


Maeror

by CloudSpires1295



Series: Shay 'verse [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e16 No Rest for the Wicked, Gen, Post-Episode AU: s03e16 No Rest For The Wicked, Post-Episode: s03e16 No Rest For The Wicked, i still suck at tagging who knew, oof where to begin, sisfic episode tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:19:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudSpires1295/pseuds/CloudSpires1295
Summary: Sisfic Tag to 3x16 "No Rest for the Wicked". Part of the Shay 'verse. Funny how, despite having a year to to get Dean out of his deal, it seemed like they had all the time in the world... until it was a minute to midnight on May 1st, they were standing in a random hallway in a random house in a random suburb with no Lilith, and they weren't any closer to breaking the deal than they were this time last year.
Relationships: Bobby Singer & Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer & Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer & Shailene "Shay" Winchester (OFC), Bobby Singer & The Winchester Kids, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Shailene "Shay" Winchester (OFC), Sam Winchester & Shailene "Shay" Winchester (OFC)
Series: Shay 'verse [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/637277
Kudos: 8





	Maeror

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a bitch and a half, even with the episode and the transcript at my disposal. A decent chunk of it is dialogue pulled directly from the source material itself, which I do NOT own btw. Just making that clear. There’s some dialogue from a tag for 3x01 that I never posted… or at least I don’t think I did… lemme go check.  
> Actually, it’s a tag for 2x22 aka “All Hell Breaks Loose Pt. II” and it is posted as “Descent into Madness”. Crisis averted. Now, enjoy the read.

“ _Alright you win. What do I have to do?_ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _To save Dean!_ ”

Shay’s eyes flicked between Sam and Ruby as they went back and forth, the former pleading and desperate for a way out of this mess. Dean grabbed at his shoulders and tugged at him, trying to get him to turn and face him.

“ _What the hell are you doing_?”

Sam violently shrugged Dean off, “ _just shut up for a second_ ,” and turned back to Ruby, “ _Ruby!_ ”

“ _You had your chance. You can’t just flip a switch. We needed time_.”

The blonde realized, dimly, that she should probably be grilling Ruby right alongside her little brother, but in that moment she just felt _numb_. Her mind was racing, her thoughts tumbling and running together in a jumbled stream of despair.

_itsbeenayearwecouldntfixitwecouldntsavedeanhesgoingtohellwefailedwefailedwefailed…_

Sam reached out and grabbed Shay by her arm and shook her hard enough to make her head bob on her shoulders, barking something at her that she couldn’t hear over the dull roar of her frantic mind. She watched his lips move in a stupor, too far in her own head to answer him. Her ears felt like they were stuffed with wet cotton.

Dean pushed between his brother and sister, forcing Sam to let Shay go. He shot a confused look at her, probably wondering in what universe did she let Sam get in her face like that without tearing him a new one. Her hearing returned slowly, like an internal volume was slowly turning back up.

“… _-not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!_ ”

“ _Yes you are!_ ”

Dean’s shout shattered the shell of numbness around Shay, cleared her mind, and put everything back into perspective. They were down to the last _minutes_ they’d get with their brother, and she wasn’t going to spend them in a panicked daze.

“Yes you are.” Dean repeated, this time calmer, softer, and full of resignation. Shay bit her lip and looked down at her hands, shaking at her sides. Her breathing was too fast, too loud, and so ugly in the silence that followed. Any words she tried to spit out couldn’t get past the growing lump in her throat. Sam’s breathing mirrored hers, shoulders jumping with each audible inhale.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered, green eyes going glossy with unshed tears, “I mean, this is all my _fault_ ,” his tongue darted out to wet his lips, “but what you’re doing, it’s not gonna save me. It’s gonna kill you.”

“You want us to just _give_ _up_?” Shay’s voice was garbled as the lump in her throat grew and her eyes began to sting.

“There’s nothin’ else you guys can do for me, not now.”

“Then,” Sam swallowed roughly, holding back tears, “what do you want us to do?”

“Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Watch each other’s backs,” he looked between his two distraught siblings imploringly, “remember what Dad taught you… okay?”

Wordlessly, Sam and Shay nodded in unison, the latter’s breathing hitched as tears began to flow in earnest. Dean bit his lip, “and remember what I taught you.”

Down the hall, the grandfather clock they’d past began to toll as midnight fell. Shay’s eyes fluttered closed as the weight of their failure settled like a death shroud. She sobbed softly, looking down the hall at the clock and then at her brother, who was fighting hard to keep himself together. He gave her and Sam a soft, trembling smile, just the barest twitch of his lips as his eyes swam with unshed tears.

_Even in his last seconds, he’s trying to be strong for us…_

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Ruby’s normally grating voice was unusually soft with regret, “I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy.”

Dean’s eyes slowly slid to the right, staring at the far corner in the dining room. Despite his best attempts to mask his fear, his eyes shined with it in that moment. Shay knew, without a doubt, what he was looking at. His lips trembled as they parted, “ _Hellhound_.”

Any and all distractions, the fear, the sorrow, all of it was pushed to the back of Shay’s mind with no small amount of effort, swapped for her Hunter’s instincts.

“Where?”

“ _There_.”

All eyes went to the dining room corner, and Dean’s eyes went wide with fear before he turned and bolted in the opposite direction. Without preamble, Sam, Shay, and Ruby followed him down the hall and into a small sitting room.

Sam and Ruby held the door shut, even as it shook from the rabid hellhound battering at it, while Dean spread a line of goofer dust to block its entry. Remembering her own supply, the sachet Bobby had given to her before they left Sioux Falls, Shay hurried over to the windows to line the sills.

Shay’s hands shook as she sprinkled goofer dust over the windowsill, trying her best to keep from leaving any gaps in the line. Cold sweat beaded up along her hairline, dripped down the bridge of her nose, and slid down her spine. As she moved to the next window, the sound of the Hellhound slamming up against the doors made her jump, spilling some of the dust on the floor. Heart in her throat and feet feeling as though they’d been incased in cement, she forced herself to carry on until all the windows were lined.

The pounding against the door tapered off as Dean finished pouring the dust in front of it, and he rolled up to his feet. His green eyes darted to her, silently asking if she’d gotten to the windows. Shay nodded jerkily in response and held the sachet up for him to see. Some of the tension left him, only the slightest bit, and he strode across the room, meeting her halfway.

“Buying a little extra time?” Shay teased weakly, voice still thick with tears.

“Every second counts,” Dean replied, gently chucking her chin, “’m sorry, bug.”

“Two apologies in one day,” Shay muttered absently, watching Sam and Ruby hiss at each other by the door with growing concern, “that’s gotta be a new record.”

Something began to niggle at Shay’s gut, an alarm in her hindbrain began to blare with increasing volume, and her fingers began to itch with the desire to be holding a weapon. _Something’s not right…_

“Gimme the knife,” Ruby’s voice finally grew loud enough to both of the twins to hear, “maybe I can fight it off.”

“What?” Sam’s flushed, sweaty face creased with visible confusion and trepidation. Dean gingerly took a step towards the pair, instinctively shifting so he was standing between Ruby and Shay. The blonde Hunter grabbed her brother’s jacket sleeve and tugged at it, pulling him to a halt.

“Dean, what’s wrong?”

“That’s not Ruby,” he muttered back, “fuck, I didn’t even notice…”

Shay furrowed her brows and stepped out from behind him, taking his left flank. _If it’s not Ruby, then who…?_

“ _C’mon!_ That dust won’t last forever.” Ruby’s voice dragged their attention back to her and Sam. The demon had her hand outstretched, waiting for Sam to draw the knife and pass it over. Slowly, the youngest Winchester reached into his jacket and drew the knife from his waistband…

“ _Wait_.” Dean barked, bringing the exchange to a grinding halt. The alarm in the back of Shay’s head _screamed_ in warning as Ruby turned to give Dean a bored look, as if he were a dumb child.

“You _want_ to die?” the demon asked sharply, head tilting to the side ever so slightly.

“Sam, that’s not Ruby,” Dean spoke in a rush, staring at Ruby in shock, “ _it’s not Ruby!_ ”

Sam drew the knife back at once, aiming to thrust it at the demon, but she threw out a hand and slammed him against the wall. With her other hand, she threw Shay up against the opposite wall before she could even think to move. Dean moved to rush her, but she waved him off with another telekinetic shove and him down on a table.

The air left Shay’s lungs in a painful rush. She squirmed, trying vainly to free herself from the wall even though it felt like a gigantic invisible hand was holding her in place.

Dean groaned and strained against his invisible bonds, managing to sit up just enough to scowl at whoever was inside Ruby’s host, “how long you been in her?”

“Not long,” Ruby’s voice came out somehow… childish and meek, “but I like it. It’s all grown up and pretty.” Her eyes rolled up until nothing but white showed. _Lilith_.

“Guessing you made the switch after we left her to rot in the Devil’s Trap,” Shay hummed begrudgingly, “smart move since it probably wouldn’t do a damn thing to you.”

 _“Her paygrade, she ain’t sweatin’ the holy water.”_ “Ruby’s” words from earlier rang loudly in Shay’s ears, like a taunt.

In response Lilith smiled and batted her lashes coquettishly, as if Shay had bestowed the highest of compliments on her cleverness.

“And where’s Ruby?” Sam demanded, drawing Lilith’s attention.

“She was a very bad girl,” Lilith simpered, “so I sent her far, far away.”

  
Y’know, I should’ve seen it before,” Dean groused, voice strained with the effort to hold eye contact with Lilith, “but you all look alike to me.” He shrugged his shoulder, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

Lilith blinked slowly at him and then, as if she’d suddenly remembered he was there, turned to look at Sam purposefully. Shay strained against her invisible bonds when she saw how her little brother’s face creased with discomfort. Sam looked back and forth between his older siblings and Lilith as she approached.

“Hello Sam,” the white-eyed bitch crooned, “I’ve wanted to meet you for a _very_ long time.” She reached out grip the lower half of Sam’s face and leaned in. Shay cursed softly and strained harder but, despite being seemingly distracted by Sam, Lilith’s hold didn’t give a single inch.

A swell of revulsion rolled through Shay’s stomach as Lilith pressed her lips to Sam’s briefly, as if she were sampling some kind of rare delicacy. The Hunter swallowed thickly to keep the bile from trying to come up.

Lilith murmured something to Sam that made him shudder before he jerked his chin out of her grasp, “alright, so you have me,” he nudged her hand away from his face with his chin, “let my brother and my sister go.”

Shay opened her mouth to tell him to shut up, but wrangled the protest in. She knew if she were in his place she’d be making the same offer. _What a bunch of self-sacrificial idiots this family is_.

“Silly goose,” Lilith’s voice was a gentle reprimand, as if she were chiding a small child, “you want to bargain, you have to have something I _want_.” She clicked her tongue while slowly shaking her head, “you don’t.”

“So’s this your big plan, huh?” Dean snapped from the table, “drag me to hell, kill Shay and Sam, and then _what_ – become Queen _Bitch_?” The alarm in Shay’s head that’d gone quiet since Lilith had revealed herself screamed back to high alert when the demon turned to look at Dean with the same bored look she’d given him earlier.

A smirk tugged at Lilith’s borrowed pink lips, and her eyes glowed with hunger, “I don’t have to answer to _puppy chow_.” A chill ran down Shay’s spine as the white eyed demon pulled away from Sam to saunter over to the French doors. Her eyes darted down, spying the line of goofer dust just as Lilith deliberately ran the toe of her boot through it. Smiling beatifically at each of the siblings in turn, Lilith grabbed the knobs, “ _sic ‘im, boy_ ,” and threw the doors open wide.

A preternatural wind swept into the room as _something_ charged into the space, headed directly for Dean. Shay cowered against the wall, eyes shut tightly. She wished fervently to have the freedom to cover her ears, but Lilith wouldn’t allow her that mercy.

Shay bit down on her lip hard enough that blood dripped down her chin as Dean hit the floor with a loud thump and began to scream. Over his agonized cries, she could hear Sam’s desperate cries for Lilith to stop, the wet tear of flesh being ripped apart, and the splatter of blood hitting the wood floor. The coppery scent of blood quickly filled the space, and Shay swallowed down a powerful gag when something warm and wet splashed against her forehead and across the bridge of her nose.

It was only when Dean’s cries had tapered off into pitiful gurgles that Shay realized that Lilith had released them from her power. The Hunter was sitting on the floor, curled into a tight ball with her eyes still clenched shut. Slowly, Shay let her eyes peel open… and promptly turned her head to the side to vomit.

There was so much _blood_. Her brother was lying in a _pool_ of it, stomach and chest torn to ribbons and, if she looked closely enough, she could see some of his internal organs shredded as well. Nothing had been spared. His green eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, devoid of the light they’d carried just minutes prior.

“No!”

“ _Yes_!” Lilith’s response to Sam’s desperate cry drew Shay’s eye, and she felt a powerful, icy cold terror sweep over her as the demon threw a hand out in Sam’s direction and released a blast of blinding white light, “ _SAM!_ ”

The entire house shook with the blast. Shay, despite not having been Lilith’s target, could feel the heat and raw power encompassed in the blast. It was like a contained nuclear blast; even with her eyes closed and a hand shielding her face, Shay could see the light through her lids.

Slowly, the light faded away, and Shay lowered her hand and opened her eyes again, blinking away spots, “ _Sam_? Sam, please…” She trailed off, her desperate plea petering out when she spotted him, just beyond Lilith’s right leg, curled into a ball next to a small china cabinet, hands raised to guard himself from the blast.

 _Oh thank… thank whoever the fuck’s up there_.

She couldn’t fathom being alone, couldn’t imagine losing both her brothers one after the other. Hell, if she had, she would’ve been on her knees at Lilith’s feet, begging her to put her out of her misery.

Shay watched silently as Sam slowly lowered his hands, face full of disbelief as he stared up at Lilith. She could see, judging by how tense the demon was, she hadn’t expected Sam to survive. As Sam pushed himself up to standing, Lilith’s shoulders began to tremble. She threw a hand out to stop him as he took a step towards her, “ _back,_ ” but instead of flying back into the wall, he kept coming.

“I said _back_.” Lilith’s voice cracked as Sam strode closer and stooped to grab Ruby’s knife from the floor, flipping it around in his hand. Shay watched silently, wondering if they were about to end this bullshit right here and now.

“I don’t think so.” Sam pulled his arm back to go for a killing blow but, as he moved to strike, Lilith’s head fell back and she shrieked as a viscous stream of black smoke tore out of her mouth. Sam skittered backwards, caught off guard, and the demon made her escape through a vent directly overhead, leaving the worn out meatsuit to crumple in a heap next to Dean’s left boot.

Sam’s arm slowly lowered as his eyes landed on Dean’s mutilated form, sorrow overtaking the determined expression on his face. Tears began to stream as the knife hit the floor with a loud clatter and he moved to crouch next to his older brother’s body.

Shay pushed away from the wall and crawled over to her twin, letting the emotions she’d been only partly successful in tamping down crash forth. A violent sob ripped free from her chest as she smoothed a hand over his forehead and hair, inwardly cringing away from the coolness already overtaking his body.

“My fault,” Sam whispered tearfully, drawing his sister’s attention, “this is my fault. If I hadn’t…”

“Sam, _no_ ,” Shay reached out to squeeze her baby brother’s arm, “none of this is on you. You hear me?” she swallowed down another sob, “Dean made this choice, you didn’t make him do this. I don’t want you to… to let this eat you up, okay? It’s not your fault, baby boy…” A distant memory flashed before her mind’s eye, exactly a year ago today, and she felt sick just thinking of it...

_“You know I couldn’t let him go, Shay,” Dean spoke quietly, beseeching her understanding, “you know that.”_

_“I know,” she responded, tears flowing in earnest, “I know…” she looked over her twin’s shoulder to where their little brother remained next to the Impala, facial expression still contorted into one of utter disbelief and guilt._

_“This is gonna eat him up inside, y’know,” she uttered, turning her eyes back to Dean, “I know, you thought you were doing the right thing, but… we both know that figuring out Dad sold his soul for you screwed you up inside, and now... what do you think it’s going to do to Sam?”_

_“Sammy’s tough,” Dean replied, “way stronger than me. He’ll be alright.”_

“How can I…? Shay, he literally _died_ so I could come back to life and _stay_ alive,” Sam’s word were choked and filled with pain and guilt, “how could I possibly not blame myself for this? How can you…? You should _hate_ me for—”

“Don’t you _dare_ ask me to hate you,” she snapped, reaching out and grasping his chin, forcing him to meet her gaze, “I could never _hate you_. Not in a million years, no matter what you do. But this,” she looked down at Dean’s waxy face, “this isn’t _on_ you. I don’t know how I could possibly make you understand, but I’m not… I don’t hate you, hon.”

Sam’s face crumpled as he began to cry in earnest, and Shay leaned over Dean’s body, ignorant of the blood soaking into her clothes, and hugged him tight. She buried her face in his mussed hair and cried with him. They stayed tangled together in a desperate jumble of limbs and grief until Bobby arrived.

Shay pretended not to notice when the grizzled Hunter turned away and his shoulders began to tremble and hitch.

*S*S*S*S*

“We’re not burning him.”

Bobby and Shay exchanged a _look_ before turning to face Sam. After vacating the Fremonts’ premises and driving for _miles_ , they’d stopped at an abandoned barn house on the outskirts of Pontiac, Illinois.

Dean’s body had been bound and wrapped up in some old tarps and the blanket they kept in the Impala for a Hunter’s funeral. Shay and Sam tried their best to clean him up beforehand, which was ultimately for their personal benefit seeing as his body was going to be burned, but there was only so much they could do what with how badly the hellhound had torn into him and a lack of cleaning supplies.

“Sam,” Shay hedged, not sure how to approach this, “we can’t _not_ burn him… it’s not—”

“He can’t come back as a vengeful spirit,” Sam pointed out with no small amount of bitterness, “his soul’s in hell, so it’s not like there’s a risk. Besides, he’ll need his body to be in one piece.”

“Son, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I got Dean into this and I’m gonna get him out,” Sam turned to look at each of them in turn with glossy, bloodshot eyes, silently daring them to challenge him, “come hell or high water, I _will_ save him.”

“Sam, I _already_ told you—”

“It doesn’t matter what you say, sis,” the younger Winchester cut Shay off with a dismissive shake of his head, “if I hadn’t died at Cold Oak, he wouldn’t’ve had to sell his soul to bring me back.” Shay raked a hand through her hair,

“Jake stabbed you in the back, son,” Bobby took a step towards the younger Hunter, “the bastard got the drop on you, there’s no way you would’ve seen it comin’. Ain’t no point in holdin’ yourself accountable for somethin’ you had no control over.”

“Sammy, _please_ …” Shay crossed the dusty concrete floor in a few quick strides, gently taking one of her brother’s hands in hers and squeezing, “Dean said—”

“Dean’s not _here_.” Sam jerked his hand away, “I can fix that. I just need some time.” He shouldered around her, flinching away when she tried to touch his arm, and crossed the room to exit the barn, “I’m gonna go find a box or something to put him in and then we can bury him.”

The barn door slammed shut with finality, and Shay jumped up to sit on an old wooden table, one of two pieces of furniture still left in the place, and braced her elbows on her knees before burying her face in her hands, “ _god_ _damn it_. I told him,” she jerked her head up and stabbed a finger at Dean’s wrapped body, laid on a tarp on the floor, “I _told_ him that this would happen.”

Bobby frowned worriedly and walked over to rub a soothing hand against Shay’s shoulders. She pressed her hands against her trembling lips, eyes burning as tears began to form again, “I told that idiot that Sam wouldn’t be okay with this shit. ‘ _Sammy’s tough_ ’,” she mimicked bitterly, “’ _he’ll be alright_ ’. _Bullshit_.”

‘ _I’m the second line of defense. I’m supposed to watch out for Sam when Dean can’t do it and I’m already fucking it up._ ’

“Don’t beat yourself up, darlin’,” Bobby told her gruffly, “that damn fool idjit brother of yours was lyin’ through his teeth and he knew it.”

“Would it be safe? To bury him?” Shay changed the subject swiftly, using her thumbs to wipe away the tears, “since his soul is…” _being tortured in Hell_.

“Hypothetically, yeah,” the grizzled Hunter scratched at his beard, “since his soul’s down south, then there really ain’t a risk in not burnin’ him. It’s just… not really how we Hunters do things.”

“I know, but if Sam wants him buried,” Shay drew herself up from her slumped position and pulled her shoulders back, “then that’s what we’ll do.”

Shay couldn’t understand her brother’s determination or his adamancy that Dean _would_ return from Hell one day. After a year of hopefulness that they’d be able to get him out of his deal and nothing to show for it but a body wrapped up and bound in tarps and old blankets, she didn’t have it in her to hope again. If Sam was going to be hopeful and certain that he’d find a way to pull Dean out, then he’d have to hope for both of them because she wasn’t about to set herself up for failure so soon after the last time.

Having hope just hurt too much.

**Author's Note:**

> The abandoned barn they’re holed up in is the same one they summoned Cas to four months down the line in 4x01. Bobby was the one driving them away from the hotel after Cas tried talking to Dean for the second time, when Dean decided they needed to summon Cas, and well… turns out he knew a place for them to do the summoning because that’s where they stopped before they buried him. Could just as well have been a conveniently placed abandoned barn that they saw along the road, but I like this better.
> 
> [*~*CloudSpires1295*~*](https://asphodel2310.tumblr.com/)


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